healer sober mindful

sermonette

2009-04-09T20:19:00.000-07:00

sermonette
how you flow with it
when folks don't treat you as you deserve
you let it out and then by the time you know it
things ar trending your way
but then
life being life as it is
they are back to giving you heck again
and the cycle continues

2009-03-30T07:29:00.000-07:00

reading this morning a book by going fat kid rules the world there is one segment
reminiscent of jean-paul sartre's le nausea novel of the thirties
this chubby boy is assigned to check out skinny folks eating their meal and he is supposed to notice whatsoever he sees"(You'll know it when you see it") he realizes their facades go down when they have a little egg on their chin,literally...and he can see their insecutiries and more...
calling in sick today i realized how much my facade droops at such times, the guilt and fear of being dismissed(nonsensically) for being ill in this hog eat hog realm really terrorifies me deny it or no.
the young lad sees through the couple's facades and Going has the protagonist's friend say "You are in those moments all the time"(the sham shame and feral fettered fretterings and wearying worrying wartering)
let myself me embrace my own facades
and not deny my selfsame dents
and 'allow' others have theirs and not strive so to show them theirs

here's what happens at my meets ofttimes: a member spouts authentically, without their normal(to me) guile, someone i usually sort into my don't-like box cagey cag
after the meeting i risk and tell 'em i liked what you shared thank you, my friend
and suddenly i realize almost as if it were the wrong soul, i've come After their shutters have been drawn and only greet the andiron android outside their doorstoop
like in the ms pacman, they have 'changed back into' their normative selves,their facade is up and the window for betting at the paramutuels is like a closet, closed once more

the icing on the rotten cake

2009-03-07T10:48:00.000-08:00

the icing on the rotten cake
(a poem of rejuvenation and halo healerings)

some therapists will tell you
that healing's got no place
just iron a wee bit faster, ooh
and ignore that dreamscape scarey face

and don't become engrossed
in the whelm of when you was wee
nor expand your emotional coasts:
won't help, won't undo, won't set free....

but i'm jus here to tell you
that's mazola crapola payola spewing their lips
like a white spruce, their wise domes would fell you
and make cellulose and fructose from the pulp and the wood chips

prostrations on the prostate

2009-02-01T21:38:00.000-08:00

poemsong of the prostate
as i lay abed, not at this moment prostrate afore the gods of the netherrealm, no need for surgicals; I'm just going to be calmer, and rely more upon my intuitions;
also that part of my body
contains regions of vast empowerment as well as of shaming as a kid
so for me
to slow it down and re-awarify myself
and breathe more(fiery)
and quaff a pitcher(of water embottled)
and become icy towards my fetters all a frettering,
ach, those are the keys to the healing
that and ginger root,to boot.

It was one weird week,. Communalities of one wellness.

2009-01-31T11:10:00.000-08:00

it was one weird and wired, buzzardly bizarre work-week(as usual) and I think I got too far caught up in the drama trauma(not of my awesome clients but of my equally -dysfunctional-as-I-am coworkers...O, how these home-away-from-home scenarios play out intermittently. sometimes i'm on the sidelines as the healthy observer watching aloof and bemused, willing to assist if feasible but so oft have been burnt by getting into the melee ; other times i'm in the midst of it all trapped and trippin',and wishin' i myself had that selfsame detachement, and could place my awarenesses in another 'attache' case, such as it were.

there was this boer and this 'oar and they didst duly roar

2009-01-27T07:49:00.000-08:00

ooutside my door
a boer and an 'oar
the boar saying if only i had a 'lectric airblower
these leaves would meet their destiny
the 'oar says
i am a boatie, i traipse the worldwaterrealm in my old battered yacht
i think i'm quite hot
if only my destrudo(freued, the joyful one says we all have this urge to lemming ourself and subjucgate and sublmiate it by being football fans and runway wannabes and stuch)
were not so acting up
i'd loosen those pounds fifty and five
and be so youthful and tannin and 'llive
both are sixty
growing old? none too nifty

very crabby moo this morn

2009-01-11T10:18:00.000-08:00

it wasn't the fog what got me carby think it was arguing with a fiend and having to stop writhing
but i was hurthing and so it didn't work for me
yestermorn's au contraire waas magic
and a fiend een told me bout a book by ernest kurst the spirituality of imperfection i belive

not whilst drivering

2009-01-08T17:13:00.000-08:00

how many 'plates' one could keep spinning at a onced
that is
to maximize(optimize) the number of art stuff one can do at the same time(for example be working on a paintling on a scu;ptling on a drawling etc all in the same session integrating in betwixt the one and the other this would be ideally opening and integerrating of the chak rahs

i'm a critter of t he day,say

2009-01-05T18:47:00.000-08:00

viewring the watercolourations admistures of a friendit has a calmative effect on my mind after a harebrained workadae
replete with myriad enhungering clients
and a stormy closed session of staff stiffs

behold i shew unto thee an irony

2009-01-04T14:20:00.000-08:00

chance to walk dogs thro' the orchards and last time with a friend
in the misty rain
saw a local red kit fox for like ten minutes maybe longerer
my longest siting since they started(they being the devourers of old ranchouses-into-ministorage facilities) taking away their natural land. that don't seem right not tat tall.
behold i shew unto thee an irony"
i like foxes, red kit and yellowtail
yet i abhor their nocturnal practices so toothyclaewed
i love beligan hares(what's not to like?)
and cannot abide the spin-of-the-dice circle of violence otherwise known as fox eats rabbit, wolf eats deer
or 'the circle of life'
so whomsoever deigned to design this world
well
i've got an earful for 'em

any kid could do better
and wold
given half the chantz

art hurts

2009-01-03T16:36:00.000-08:00

I sometimes i share in a general manner
for a decade i was a practicing alkie
later, i attained sobriety but still so fearfull in the fearwell
of late have healed in many swirling ways.
i wanna be of use and help others heal
i love to walk and write and read
i have alovehate with art.
so many hurts and pains all jumbled up with hugs and goodness all a swirling oneness.
progressive(i like to believe) so i am very much interested in society getting better, as i feel it has done but also has so many arenas in which growth is direly mandated
i find people fascinating, also annoying, also astounding bounders.
i like reading about the beginnings of life on earth and surroundings
and also old fashioned underground sixties and seventies comix strips and such
very voracious reader
but i don't want to just take in
i want to give back, not just eat eat eat
and so i was into making art for years but now enjoy helping give others ideas, which they rarely take, about how to do multi media integrative holistic radically solemn silly shy sly awakening artforms. i worship buckie fuller and his tensegrity and such...

the first few batches of lifestock didn't eke out past the meanie chemistry of the times

2009-01-02T23:01:00.000-08:00

tis raining hereabouts this eventide...and my dishwasher just clicked with its 'finished' sound...
and i traipse to my bed....
was just reading a silly sly book
but aside from all my readings delving into the root causes of conflict and how life on earth arose the first (or rather the most recent of possibly many a) time,
i like stuff like that
plus the odd nat'l geographic
my best reads are the watchtowers i find atop the laundry lids
if only that kind of worldview with its paradise on earth and goodwill to all(fellow believers,naturally) could have an inkling's inkling of being
gospel

new year old year it ain't that

2009-01-01T10:22:00.000-08:00

feeling a bit peculiar,queasy emotionally today
not cuz a the calendar numerals,really
just thinking i'm shifting healing growthing and not alwaysl ikeing that stuff
also the car reading weirdly but probably just my dimwit when it comes to things mechanical

perhaps just harbingers

2009-01-01T10:19:00.000-08:00

just feeling a bit peculiar today
didn't drink,;course so not that but just emotionally spirutlaly mentally a bit oddly or somesuch?
i dinnae know
so i cannae say

then htere are those with nothing, nothin no thing at all

2009-01-01T09:35:00.001-08:00

strangey day startingwith car 'poroblems' or maybe my ignorance
and sorta got that 'kay but just feeling very distoriririenetnated
prolly a goo thing,really
who can say as thru the snowplowths we sashay a stray?

to me the agility to have a seven fold

2008-12-28T10:19:00.001-08:00

to me the agility to have a seven fold
one part paintling
one part exculpatory scuplture, smallish
one part found object altered 'ere the altar of art
one part wallpaper within which in the uniform roses each of the seven variegants have been seen as faces or somesuch(e unum pluribus)
one part basket purchased on the cheap and altered as well
one part woven but non-crafty aspect
and one part of drawing on old found piece of many-mashed fastfood carton, runned over several hundreds of tire-times

i'm seeking to be mindful each tappity tappering of the keypad

2008-12-27T12:41:00.000-08:00

i'm seeking to be mindful each tappity tappering of the keypad
just like the tich na han vid increases
the ticknahan vid says like the mother within
and like the father within on youtube i've never heard anything like that before

just viewing these native amerindians at a 'the joker gaming casino' youtube, 'course, vid and it was lamey lames, though i did like their jump-off-a-

2008-12-26T08:35:00.003-08:00

just viewing these native amerindians at a 'the joker gaming casino' youtube, 'course, vid and it was lamey lames, though i did like their jump-off-a-pony-like sidestep during their song.
however, when they hawked postcards and also did 'air wooden flute' mimicry
the cringe came
i ask myself
was it for they themselves and all they've lost
or was it for their male-dominion heritage and mutual killing of one another in warring raids
or was it for me,myself, und Ich that i quaver,no?

just viewing these native amerindians at a 'the joker gaming casino' youtube, 'course, vid and it was lamey lames, though i did like their jump-off-a-

2008-12-26T08:35:00.001-08:00

stopping for birds

2008-12-25T10:45:00.001-08:00

i was driving today and i felt sad because a small bird almost got hit by my vehicle the other birds flew away swiftly but this little one was like at the last moment, even though i had slowed down on purpose.

food to the w in wan but i ignored it all

2008-12-24T18:33:00.000-08:00

as you see through these falsies
all the feral greedings and trompsing around as if glee
just sorta aggravates and saddens one

and thence the surreal qualitiy of being all alone when there is so much heart so share
but who can put up with walls of carpola that hugely unhinged and still remain true unto her innards and soulcore,yeh?

to me

2008-12-21T09:36:00.001-08:00

to me
errata
forexample
young fellow today called critical certical
and called surest surr rest
and had a few other type o's
this is a huge remnant hope for humanity
that the overcomputer will 'low us to make our errors
and from them
serendiptiously but more significantly
by trying new stuff mindfully
we can unlearn,relearn and
arise, o ye dreamers, arise

one piece of cake = one tub of gin

2008-12-19T22:01:00.001-08:00

i was proud of myself today for not indulging in sugary stuff because for me, unlike for thee, if i take one piece of cake, i later eat a half a cake. it is the little boy in me who never got all the goodies(nor love,more significantly)
so i said nay many a time
wasn't easy neither

one piece of cake = one tub of gin

2008-12-19T22:01:00.000-08:00

it is fun to be without fear

2008-12-15T19:07:00.001-08:00

Back at the office today things actually went quite smoothly, it was like I was 'with-it-totally' or something: my lecture was given good reviews by the clients(when they laugh and also when they especially raise their hands and offer insights into their own lifeways, I know I'm 'on it', y'know

the middle path(note:not the lukewarm spittle path)

2008-12-14T11:08:00.001-08:00

the pineal gland is the go between of the blobes of the brain
the corups callosum is the sadle of the soul
'low the mind to be ana interbetweener
and to be balance
not ballon-blossom batoned

carroty shctick and sitting in the orchids,midst the mingling fumes of the fumaroles

2008-12-10T19:53:00.000-08:00

I used to sit with some folks nearby the college and my best chum would come as well but he stopped and then I stopped.

a spiritual practice for me doing walking meditation through the orchards, seeing death and decaycommingling and in fact emmanating, one form from within and surround the other, Kali's cavorting/carousing wilding ever so visible.Of late(don't laugh?) even though I myself could Never Never Ever become a witness, I have been reading these watchtower's my sister-in-law sends me 'religiously'. There isn't a hint of a hint that I could 'buy into' the total programme, y'know, but I find there closed universe so, well, delectable in its reductivism, and so closely bounded.If only we were going to 'live in paradise here on earth forever' and 'update' sort of, those who have 'gone before us to their destinies(Watched this grand vid by Watts tonight where he talked about the 'here,kitty,kitty' carrot-and-stick of the life-as-a-rush-to-get-to-the-end), why that's be fantastic.Which of course , it tisfantasty schtick......yes, that is certainly what being nowand being herehelps rebirth to meHey, Krisna, you rascal, you: peek-a-boo andtag, you're it.

regain that aconnection so vitalizing

2008-12-07T11:08:00.000-08:00

walking with a friend-cum-dogs today through some orchids to evade the sonnenschinen and seek to get re-attuned to nature: being up so high in an office every workaday, I lose that rhythmic balance that is sorely vital to my innermost well-being.

when the strong plunder the weak, that is the foundings of the circle of life

2008-12-06T13:32:00.000-08:00

Nature? We don't need no stinkin' nature' . Much as i adore the orchid-hikes,the 'nature-red-in-tooth-and-claw' aspect is vile..I know nowadays the 'circle-of-life' thinking is very popularbut to have a world built(since the Burgess Shale era, half a trillion years ago or so, replete, in fact FOUNDED UPON on one critter killing another to 'sing for its supper/earn its daily bread' is such a flawed way to have set up this one world of ours.also the seemijngly natural way us humanfolk dominate those lower animals,(which never 'bandon their brood to go get drunk or do a four day crack run ... most especially in the veal cages and 'cow lots')
plus the circle of life is built upon weaker being victimized by stronger

saddened to hear the comments in re CC

2008-12-01T18:57:00.000-08:00

i am saddened that some of the folowers of CC said he was not always the best of persons
I always admired him and cherished his visions and wish now he had been more
laid back in some ways
and also less in need of starting his own(miniatuirized) cult(if what is being said is correcto)

don't interrupt or get up while the heart is rending,plea?

2008-11-30T11:30:00.000-08:00

promptly home from a sublime session,
basking and hounding in the assemblage of variegated souls' ethos concering living without bottles for awakening(falsie) insight-replete personal truths bandied about and I nearly always smile when some young adult 'gets it' and begins anew thislife where they leave the drinking of ethyl alcohol to those who can hack the stuff(evile potion not for us works fine(i guess) for them what ain't alkified and petrified of being ossified.
not just because an oddball like myself attends, but it's gotta treely take ALL kinds: who would 'magine we ourselves would be the kind who would fashion bonds, especially since the split moment the meet ends, most of us head for our keys and cars and check our text messagings et al.,of a time we truly get on one anothers' last nerve connexions,
a soul this morn 'pert near blew my mind with some off-hand spiteful phraseology, as happens,,so following customs(since I neither puff nor chew(Confucious say Manyman smoke but Fu Man Chu), so i had in my toolkit repertoire theoryset no exit(recalling the play Huis Clos/No Exit by Msr. Sartre, in his own way a very sociable sort, sitting at his stool and sipping wine whilst penning a work of grandeur, who had one of the three characters in one penultimate scene state "...Hell is...other people."
(astronaut at close quarters and those with bellowing woofer-bending neighbors can relate, though, and sometimes i sincerely wish a couple 'three of my cow-orkers might share in the Irish Sweepstakes or some such and move forwards on their destiny, smiling and out of my earshot with a cackle,) I arose after plunking something in the fraying basket and grabbed a half watery half full potency cup of meeting coffee, which must be this here world beneath the cloud's muckiest and mulchiest, and the decalf is hard to tell from the regular(not that I'd dare, I 'd be up for a day and a half,sure) It could lead a bowbreaking mutineer on a red morn to swear off the rum, chum.
My limmae of impolitienss at the meets is that, for as rude as I may be to myself and my loved ones, at the groups I'm little Ms Helpfulness and let's all help one another heal.
it does bugger me when dolts ,at times, move about so carelessly whilst someone is sobbing or sharing or son-of -a biscuitying their individualized this-lifetime-aha-I've-got it-nowexperience-epiphany("...and I just realized right then that, I-Need-You-Guys-To-Stay-Sober, y'see?") {that would be my epiphanetic moment,I recall}
Listening to some krsn das and his posse of background voices: I'm certainly not Hindu, though as a lad in my teens, tee-shirts sporting the visage of His Holiness Ganesh, Him of the elephantine ways, as you well know, were very much in the 'in' pigeonhole. It was peculiar how back then, with all the emphasis on doing-one's-own-thing, the clothes police only permitted certain era's(like the twenties or the gay 90's look) and to wanna be a forties-sort-of-soul(not that my mind stretched that far, I mean there was a war going on, for gosh sake) would have been ouster-batter from my clique of similars.
One time even got into a sorta-foodfight with a fellow because I wouldn't admit that I had never even heard a single song off of a Deep Purple album, yet I was dissing it
and he got me good, saying "Oh, you're just saying that album is crummy cuz Bushman says it is"(Bushman was a fellow named after a former deceased-and-stuffed ape who had lived to be nearly fifty at the Brookfield Zoo in Chicagolandand he was wisely, in 'most all matters, our leader and groovy gurdjieff type)
and what irked me most about the guy was(his rebuff to my musical critique) was that he was,
of course
utterly,completely, indefensibly
correct

intermingling Impressioni di Settembri by PFM (recent version, which usually i don't care for) with LUCID DREAMING vid on youtube by LVINGINSUCCESS

2008-11-27T11:47:00.000-08:00

the music encourages me to utterly let go and arise
the vid(also on youtube,'course) encourages me throughout this day to ask myself
am i dreaming now?

us lakies and dictos were killing ourselves

2008-11-23T12:12:00.000-08:00

in this locale, the puscht has been to expand the housing market but i wish they'd buy up stuff within the existing borders but instead the very very few flowerfarms and tiny acreages of other crops are being bought up for new housing and I grieve because I love that about this otherwise so overfrozen town, that one can drive through it and come across orchids of a sudden, in peculiar juxtaposition to schools and houses. Gotta let go of that control issue, for sure... cuz otherwise whom am i to tell fellow capitalists in the very capitol of consumerism to stop being whom they are? no one,that's who
at the meetings, I can't hack the heat when folks dislike me for pulling their covers and get called a funny bunny when sometimes i give my rapidfire streaming consciousness rap; othertimes, like all of us, i'm in a tripped out space and just rant)
it is astoundishing how something how all of us alkies in a way are like suicides-on-hold, with the bottle out of our holsters?
yeppers, we were on the slow death installment plan and were plucked out at the next to last moment...

thoughts an feelings upon listening to the studio version of I'm you captain/closer to home

2008-11-20T20:33:00.000-08:00

upon reflection
and ultimate self-reflection
there remains a remnant of dejection

was it the awareness that emergent
of the healing which needs to be resurgent
in a whorl grown all insurgent?

or was it a feeling-with heart
of that which was back nearer to our soul's start
when the innocence was our mostliestly played part?

bbc doc on freud and advertisers and goebbles

2008-11-18T21:03:00.000-08:00

it was sublime, in a horrifying way
to see how folks can be talked into buying stuff they don't need
but then the horro truly took off
when it was seen how the mobs were given the okay and innocent folks were butchered

what are people gonna do with themselves if we cannot unleash but also cannot stay on the pathway?
will we burn our feets and faces as those who go offcourse in Yellowstone at the hot geysers?

we shall see yet It Can be done

2008-11-17T21:36:00.000-08:00

this time tomorrow
one thing sure, i'll know
did i go back as an ex-bravado coward
or into the healing flow?

a sign of healing is i am enjoying being home even though still not top notch

2008-11-17T09:40:00.000-08:00

at the office,stuff hops in and i start to twip
cow-orkers would say whatever, t'will be okay
but my way has been weary worry tweak and come up
with an answerve that will satisfy the inner perfectionist
so that none could possibly criticalize me
that way is a wrong way
i gotta see the wisdom in my cow-orkers 'proach to this work thing
and not be like me
i'm a poor role modelt for myself in that arena

after the met

2008-11-16T10:38:00.001-08:00

after the meet this fellow member comes up and says
ILIKEYOUROUTFIT
now i had on old sweaty sweatlodge pants
a decaying decoy of a sweatershirt that went to collegeicum
and also some blooomerized shorts
and my outfit was liked
now THAT, my fiends, is unconduit love,nay?

writing with a friend i realized her truth: that hleping professionals just cannot allow others stuff to muss up their own minds and hearts

2008-11-13T12:11:00.000-08:00

sometimes i DO 'low others' stuff to ruin my day and not to keep my self defended against all the gunk
othertimes i push it away
sometimes i let it in and then let it right back out
sometimes i make art out of it
sometimes i take it in but somehow can see that it is not my stuff and so it doesn't weaken or bring me down
i want to care and yet also not to overly care
yes in the people helping professions tis so easy to get crispy if the safety shields aren't worn and sometimes i do allow my clients' issues to just totally darken my day...

mountains near and far

2008-11-11T17:32:00.000-08:00

st back from a tyummywummy walk and gaazing across the grapeyard towards the whitened moon and the mountains the far tall and the nearer more rounded and visible

this morning to awaken and worry

2008-11-09T10:29:00.000-08:00

"HI, my name is HSM and I'm twacked(sober but nutso)
and woke up with this nasty fifth day of a cruddy cold and starrted pondering and fretting could it be not sore throat but whaterver that is they always gag you for but you never have? strep that's it
well i talked at the meet and realized NOT!

plus here i was obeyind all traff laws and yet at the same time my mind was twipping on some work related carpola and that is so unrighteous and not the safest way neither

if my mind is NYC, and my eyes are DC, do the boonies (elbows and armpits) get a good listening unto,hmmm?

2008-11-09T06:35:00.000-08:00

i 'fess it does seem that wisdom's gong would insist(bong-free)
that one heed her hindermost as well as her neap tides...
that I would listen in and commune and dial a log with my ring-toes
as well as with my eyelids

with my knees as succinctly as with my ear drums

anything less would be
less than my total totem

not Gay, but for goodness sake, people: wake up

2008-11-07T16:01:00.000-08:00

I'm not gay but for gosh sake: how can basic civil rights be denied one -tenth(or more) of our population

how could states say Nope to Hope?

it is so way wrong
and my sibling who Is Gay is shattered

being stuck with folks we don't wanna ever see let alone fortyfour howards a week

2008-11-06T09:12:00.001-08:00

, helping me even though i've been a crab-meister(being a vegan i never eat dairy and instead on 'lection eve as we was celebrating ate a gigantasaurus pizza(not even really hungry at the time, i rarely 'low that to hop in!) and my pal got 'em a piece or three, slowly
and me eyeballing it to make sure they didn't exceed theirlimit(as if)
and we also some yummy armenaian bulgur salad and a geek salad too and some carrot juice to swill it down with and then i had to have a few thingies of differing chips and somehow i didn't feel so hot the next day, go figger. but id didn't drink. if i hadn't overeaten, i coulda starved out that cold and just been a bit under not totally rocked down upon
my precious sis ygot a new job that last job t reated her baldfacedbadly and also it is SOOOO wise to get new folks to work with
that is part of my own muck is that i'm stuck with these folks(and poor them, stucco with me to perpetually thinking about my family tree

jpapy was a drunkard, for sure, and a boor, and gave the boot to sprouting hopes

2008-10-31T21:01:00.000-07:00

pappy sire

in the healing
a light much like an aura
scared sound
sacred mound a mewling

in the mourning
nothing more than one old meister
he's a drunkard
he's my sire
he's my pops and he's a reeling

as i listen
and await what may not hop in
could he ever
could he ever
grow sober
afore he passes
?
is a pasture
not the place
for this hymn

will this hopechest unfestering resume its way within me
or will i find my self loner than every before?

NO, in my soul
my father always dies drunken
laying in his own piled pukelings

and i drumroll into the manger only to be beaten yet again
by his hopelessness trumps the sacred and the new

noticing stuff is hwere it tis at

2008-10-26T17:53:00.000-07:00

let's notice like newton all the stuff about us and not find it boring like grownups so lame

let's open our kidmind and notice stuff and be wowed by it tall

these i saw and myself, they each me didst see as well

2008-10-26T16:08:00.000-07:00

Things I just noticed by the dozing steppe row
(not on ice were my noticers; not forgoing was my built-in
mindlessnesser)
I 'served

a small caterpillar with a redspot as if it were of creation-myth origin 'sniff' and thence ignominiously 'whatever' a purple,expiring slug(If i coulda, I woulda helped that there sluggardy snail cousin but cosmo, even though i don't 'gree with the "Don't interfere with nature's ways and the circle of death philosophe", it was beyond my ken for helpering
P.S. surely collegians , on a mediocre day, could devise a world cosmongeny wherein dog Does Not eat dog
where all
(as in the watership downs beginning)
are vegan fruitarians/grainarians(after all,corn is gonna wilt and one can pluck it like old nose hairs being trimmed)(possibly pagans or perhaps manytheistic)
and the birds of prey are actually only carcass-munchers(anything what wants to chaw away on my dead-end body(once I'm through usering it,now, mind you) well
they's welcome home to it
burrow and debride all the want.

I saw a bit of rope which was knotted in several places
sort of like a 'witchering' string as in The Shipping News replete with its own awakening scene. I wanted to immediaely call out
Yes, goddess, use This as swell in your artings.

I saw a chunk o' plastique which had been gnawed by the edger(mosquito like in its dense hertzian ouchings, and dangerous in extremis to use. keep one's eye on that cordon string or expect and accept much reddening of hand and bracelet)

i saw two different fruits(one a stranger fig so-called, and one of unknown plucking/felling) which had been stepped on, apparently, and the skiddings showed that newtownian effect still prevailing: all reactions include their own 'possum playin' opposite and apogee

I saw leaves unfurling ,yes, this late in the season
wonder how long they will have to live with such an inopportune birthing this time 'round...

all this was by mine eyes noticed
and each was wished
in her own way
to be placed with immediacy and without any pausings
into the end-all/be-all/do-all of the valency artisanery
which has now plummet plunged into\
a fearlessly feral awe and shamelessly hussy-like shamansessa to create that which can help bring to the brink of awakening as well so many who are so in need of the aha, not the unrelenting ha ha ha...

none too high(not on dirges but on WE WON kinda stuff

2008-10-25T12:50:00.000-07:00

"Good Evening, We are conducting a poll for BGOS network can you please answerve a few quewstions?"
Alright, please proceed
"Thank you Very much Sir-"
Ma'am, that is Ma'am, Ma'am
"Very sorry,sir, now I mean Ma'am(embarrased pause: i was pregnant about that long last time...)
Are you finding yourself gloating at the good fortune of your candidate?"
Well, I used to--you may find this difficult to reckon--be quite a sportsfan and half the, no, most of the joy in winning is knowing the unalterable fact that
they lost.if you see what I'm saying here...
"I do Sir, and thank you--Ma'am Ma'am---thank you Ma'am for your time. Good Evening to you and your family..."
I'll call them right now and alert them to your concern for their well being.
EOC(end of converse

despite their statemetns i trust me

2008-10-19T17:20:00.000-07:00

even when thihnking about the w
i have returned to my belief that i am doing goo
EVEN IF the boars and snoars try to gaslight me and tell me otter words

the dear friend is hurting and i cannot help her from afar

2008-10-13T21:20:00.001-07:00

my greatest dark times hits
(generic nonspecific)

well mainly when i feel less than

when i don't know

when the car musses up

when people are mean for zero reason I can figure

when my soul aches

when a beloved friend is hurting and i cannot reach to help her

friend's hubby mussing with her mind musings

2008-10-12T17:27:00.000-07:00

so i encouraged her to go to or read about again or on line chatter with the family groups they are sooooo healing

standing, 'tending to watch my pocketwatch, in fact viewing the orchards with their orchids, all a tremble, when behold: the soccer matchers strode by

2008-10-11T22:04:00.000-07:00

a dear former friend strolled by with mate and shouted my name and i smiled and was so happy for 'em both
and all the while Brian Eno's The True Wheel was bleating mindfully repetitiously, the sublime mechanist himself, from the headphones which area always like a collar surrounding my longish hairline

so this gal says to me...makes good bacardis

2008-10-05T11:31:00.000-07:00

she says These make good margaritas(sunflowers, en espanol, you know?)
i almost always say WOW(i was buying frozen starberries and there was no alcohol about)
i'm an alkie in recovery but she was just trying to be nicety so i just said Really? I didn't realize that

fresh fruit
said the bagger after her papyrus or le plastique fantastic query
Pardon, says myself?

help you to your car?
no...thanks

O, fresh fruit: its FF that makes the greatest margaritas

and ironically iconically used to live in this deserted desert mount deseret wherewithin wildest of sunflowers grew over the tallness of t he tallest ballplayer
promplty whent next door and got myself a smoothie with zero shots

always bored or always fearful pick 'em

2008-10-05T08:28:00.001-07:00

she's never bored
i'm always bored
with my own frettering
but when i listen to her coresong
my boredeishness and fetteringness
turns to healersong ya now now now

always bored or always fearful pick 'em

2008-10-05T08:28:00.000-07:00

she's never bored
i'm always bored
with my own frettering
but when i listen to her coresong
my boredeishness and fetteringness
turns to healersong ya now now now

her own litthe babysoul soaring within needed so much 'lowances of love

2008-10-01T17:03:00.000-07:00

she flagged her own babysoul
and selflessly soothed all surrounding
sussurations of coo caw all about

and be so much of goodness all surrounding,yes

2008-09-22T21:08:00.001-07:00

it may sound cocky to some but today i was like so self-confiding(except for a minimultdown which was horridly misplaced)
and when in my selfbelief regarding not the others putterdowner
i rocketedly rocked most raucously and wry

worry four, me three.five and yet it is of sorts a victory most unsordid and savory

2008-09-21T16:27:00.000-07:00

yes yes a trueful unruelful countering states fear wins(kind of like Xians who know who wins in the end,ya?)
but hay what about thhose thre.point/five non wearyings,yah?

pair of sighs OR much rather: just say no to my brains, but never my livers

2008-09-21T16:22:00.000-07:00

inner
tremulousm
mousem
coorination splendifacterum
stereing
but not an egg not a soy though

en le toilet i noted that the starry nite configuration counter clockweiss didst spin and dredger dregs dirge most urgently

2008-09-21T16:11:00.000-07:00

even the toilet bowl herself
immmersed and unshimmeryng
didst flowerflutter beclammed
as the swirling papier de le bain
swirlfished about counter to the clocks
no reloj
no wallboarding
just the swirling
like poe's malestrom

these folks refuse to stay into the little boxers i keep refashioning and configurazation for them

2008-09-21T12:10:00.000-07:00

these poeplss: they will not stay withint the boxers i refashion for them,
met this here Wyomong Cowpoke, and we was having some herb tea(that raised an eyebrow for me, I'll raise you that) after a meet and he started saying how much he adobe adored that ladyveep and so i just sashayed past that and turned the subject to something that don't muss with my guts that way
and of a sudden he started talking about surrealist french poemtrees
and he hopped frog-like-legged outta my carton for him
then he spoke of his deep admiration for our late saviour
and topped it off with a "Geez wizz, will you look at the gumballs on that one there?"
and i thought
well ,they just won't remain long at their posts

cosmo politi

2008-09-21T11:02:00.000-07:00

cosmopolitani
to see the world to construe and percieve as a unity in the jungian sense i knew as a youngstar

to growth forwart with this ventura por mano, por soul por healing

to go somewehre and note: there, the city is; there(cross the road) the countryside, alatereed as it tis, remainieth.

to dislike the takeover of storage facutlies o'er abandonanzo landsers is not meine answerve be cause there is not a healing geistischer in that camindao, pero in my opionion tres humilite,
how to becalm the innards and help this worldstream re-surrise
O ja
exclamoratum

plus how to achieve arts of the finest qualitieis

'course, being a eurosportist is utterly against all such unions so jungian

2008-09-14T18:07:00.000-07:00

stil reading on amazon dot calm that tantra mantra (tantra by osho, and NO it is NOT in ANY WAY at all 'sexy' or anything like that so....book and wow it is a goodnessspecially page forty three 'scribes the oceanic immersion feeling of warmth so sweetly

many sad rememberances and remonstratingongs

2008-09-14T16:11:00.000-07:00

just watered my tiny winy garten and also just called my big sis (Ms Go-Get-'Em,hometeam rooter fan #1,sigh!) and i can see she just is really into her stuff right now
this is a month of sad adversaries(death, the saddest and the baddest, who always(earth-wise) winds up winnering)
mom died on the first
sister on the twelfth(to me tis the thirteenth and it was thirty years ago this month and no one really talked of it , i must email my nice niece)
baby born in the bathtub(sans water,'course)brother birthday the twentieth(passed on not even two years now)
father(boo, hiss) on the nineteenth, poor bar stoolbird, he prolly wantered to be a nice guy but the sauce made a mean alfred jar out of him, taht and the Ubooting 'round during the ZXtreme warrioring...war is so mucked
Oh how it is being human....
did my heels though, with a brand newheel pumice(pumaston)

sports is just so unhealingbekunst

2008-09-13T19:58:00.001-07:00

if only sports was not so unhealing but in fact it tis, it is the empitome(epic totem)
of us v them, we goo you bad head s i win tail is you lost

and there ain't no goodness in that lice n lies

geodesic tensegrity and the agility to notice such and thus

2008-09-13T13:02:00.000-07:00

this little kid
had this geodesic dealie
that she THREW at the carpet
and it hopped out of its bag(so to speak)
and became a dome
and tensegrity reigned
andeveryone else at the meeting was like
so whatsoever
'bout it
and i was wowsified
afterall
hadn't one studied such at the universe city, nay, nigh on four full seaons of the life eon,ye?

my sis

2008-09-10T20:10:00.000-07:00

my sis
so hurting
wanting to help others
and her own self as well
and yet her vast losses
(our mom dying when we were tykes)
has made her relive every insult and injury
the workaday and family world provides
so amply
Ilovehertopieces
and she has gone through ever so much of late
she lives a thousand miles from here
and I am so glad she is the clarion voice for our family which has three of us who speak their mind too diplomatically and then some who just blurt it all out
methinks the blurters are the healthier ones

it sounds like

2008-09-09T18:01:00.000-07:00

it sounds .,oddly, that folks are voting for their own race, their own gender

though i utterly disagree with the choice and could never vote for her myself

i can see the pride folks see in her

that photo of her and her little girl as the veep choice proudly kneels astride the corpse of the moose she proudly has
brought to an end

upon the eventide 'ere retuournage to the w platz

2008-09-07T17:00:00.001-07:00

me ready return to w on the morrow
knowing only being uptight causeway to sorrow
so gonna be calmy clammy clearlight
cuz otherwise going int othe vise of feral fear fetterings
and we know how monkeymulched tjat is, yee

upon the eventide 'ere retuournage to the w platz

2008-09-07T17:00:00.000-07:00

now that my pewter is up to snuffy again, i can forgo if i opt, the news and all its fiery meannessses andalso sweerve from teh fundamentalist world

2008-09-05T18:41:00.000-07:00

swerving from the fundamentalist world ender also no more checkering the sports retorts
instead can revert to watching youtube and the myriad coo stuff they have chock free therewithin

old persons, now dead, surely their wisdom songs IF LIVED holster encouragement to the core heart?

2008-09-05T08:50:00.000-07:00

who woulda thought it was so clearcut the murky mindfulness and also who would a thought tantra could be so unsexy?bluejayes wanting cat food
help i'm behing held hoster hostage by my own non-mind,yeh

as we youtubed what the bleep can? and read of insecurityes and did art and NOPE zero ods(news,somecallsit) and zERO sportslies

2008-09-05T08:42:00.000-07:00

and it was such a jalopie of joy to just listen in to these noble prized ones sharing at core about art and seicne and healing and how our minds work(readin on amoazon com this intriguing book about tangra by a guy called is ois rotho? anyhow sure he's long dead but his truths live in on about how the mind is not US just thoughts visiting and then this morning for some reason woke to
econoimc insecuirtyies, wanted to send my nieces a little dought to say LOVEYA
one in Zurich, one iin Nicaragua
but can't ford it right now and also each time amenesty sends a 'quest i want to help but right now choosing not to
and then the niehbohr has this sad litlte pupet puppy i mean and why must the above soul have to wash out the poopies onto my lovely if tiny patio niche?
even 'got her ' schoneduenfruede yestehdtag with
pretensing to be on the shell foam as she walked by(intiutiively 'congized her) and 'tended to be p;'laining on the phone, not to mangerls office, about the uyecchy poopyness
maybe someday(who a huge megaspurt of washering hoesn just floode flushed odwn the porch above and my own gut, in Carlos casetndneds don juan-ian 'the world agrees with me' augur, my own gut gurgled. rather than overeating today, i have just had my fiber pill and some saline solute due to gurgling after the dentalist

robotwalk is the time when folks get mean just robotwalk

2008-09-03T19:11:00.000-07:00

a friend said someone was mean to herself at their office so turtle-retract my mindset almost i work for like a uh fastfood joint and i'm one of those clerks who have the headset on and have to rethink my machine menu and say okay or i ujnderstand when the customer is being a pang

first random chaotic then tight and closely structured

2008-09-02T15:53:00.000-07:00

in the beginning it was random
now it is sooooorely structured
in teh beginning it was a thrashy jazz session all just cacpononey
now it is sweetly syncompated

what if a person used her mind to help others

2008-09-02T09:52:00.000-07:00

what if at the dentists someone was able to make it so that thre was art in there of the most haling variegant, not just stuff like pictures of mountang streams to which i don't ever stray
but actually a mother holstering her child and reassuring her that the pang will diminsih and she will be happily chomping molar

none of these parties is meting my hopes

2008-09-01T17:57:00.001-07:00

i'm sorry but i was hopering for kindliness and healingess and fairness and all i am getting is sounbitters and beastly ghastly slamming each other like mistake makers in a chess match
and the olympiad?
look THE WORLD is my country
yes i love usa and yes i'm patirotocic to a point
but not when it is US =good THEM =bad
that is 'traded and 'tarded
nope, i am cosmpolitian and the world is my oysterbed
and we must all come to that relaization soon or be worse then deadened wtihin

none of these parties is meting my hopes

2008-09-01T17:57:00.000-07:00

i'm sorry but i was hopering for kindliness and healingess and fairness and all i am getting is sounbitters and beastly ghastly slamming each other like mistake makers in a chess match

and the olympiad?

look THE WORLD is my country

yes i love usa and yes i'm patirotocic to a point

but not when it is US =good THEM =bad

that is 'traded and 'tarded

nope, i am cosmpolitian and the world is my oysterbed

and we must all come to that relaization soon or be worse then deadened wtihin

we are healing and yet the pogram persists 'gainst us

2008-08-31T07:01:00.000-07:00

you words sublime
they utterly rhyme
except for the ewe
and all o' that goo
how the 'oars and boars
with their boards of candid denseness
keep the healing from re-wheeling
how can to be
thye not nyet see
oh healer birdsong
whee yee yeeeeee, she rexclaimered:

i can perveive how flustrattraing it must be to half to speak a lingo unbenknowns unfamily

2008-08-30T11:58:00.000-07:00

because that guy didn't have no clue what i was saying and also him being the overobedient sort who MUST know precisely what is being construed and strayed(sorta like someone who says "Oh,n o, i don't wanna learn italian because if i do, i might say cuss words or something faux paw and atall that ") and so each thing said was as follows.
"So you drover here.? Did you driver here today, you drove your auto to here?"
my first Yes was insuffice and the second yes i drover here today was cutoff
also friend tried to 'vince me cocunut milk has cholsetrol and i said no, it is replete with trpical oils but only animalicaulate stuff has cholsetrol so he just hushed but he werent' vinced none nowhows.

accept and embrace my role as a clown and a servile meanial

2008-08-26T17:44:00.000-07:00

i was pretty goo today just whatevering is clevering all the time today adn still being helpful
i am realizing it is way too logical to wanna otters to be reasona able so i'm just like well if they(who weren't trained as mathematiications like yo mismo) ain't gonna be hungerup on stuff like facts and figures and ideals and peoples and clientele, well i'll do my part but not twip just make sure i help out much as i can and tTAKE MY LUNCHBRAK too

welcome to the south of '55

writing it makes it hop into

2008-08-22T18:12:00.000-07:00

oddly enough
after 'magining it and making it hop in
i felt so much more peacefable and not wanting to fight no more
and being a second class(tertiary?) citi zen at the orifice don't treely bugg abhor me right now as much
i'm so doubledutch whatverish

Omaha '08 non-competitive Olympics Update

2008-08-21T19:55:00.000-07:00

Non-Compet Oly update
NON COMPETITIVE OLYMPIAD EVENING UPDATE

N.C.Olympians Finding 10 is a goal for all of their noncompetitors
After Years of non-Training, Calmness Squad Attains to the Golden Mean of Total Bliss

2008 SUMMER NONCOMPETITVE OLYMPICS UPDATE
Zen Enlightenment NetworK
»
By Lynette Salmonstein
Zen Times Staff Writer Thursday, August 21, 2008; 9:16 PMCST
Omaha, Aug. 21-- Calmness, it turns out, really IS the end-all and be-all. The US non-competitive Olympiads(a mixed squad of 4 women and 3 men) found that their long-cherished hopes of remaining calm under a grueling ordeal, replete with vignettes reminiscent of the sit-ins in the bad-old days of the Deep South; brow-beatings of unimaginably scurrilous Nazified rantings; hell-fire scorchings by ruler-ladling housemasters.
And those were the easiest of the juried sessions. Others involved being told one's lifesavings had been plundered, without any recompense, while the penultimate session informed the contestants,utilizing actual names-and-facts of loved ones, that they had been 'turned in' for crimes-against-the-government of the unforgiveable kind(such as high treason et al) and there was No Appeal.
Head Coach Joe Potter-Smythe,PhD, smiling through his traditional 'shampooing' of gatorade(sugarfree), grinned broadly.
"We knew coming in here the Chinese squad, with their feng shui homegrown expertise and everything, including a national three thousand year history of placing the golden mean above all other values, were going to give us a real run-for-it. We knew, as Coach Shanty(Shandra Sampson-Merkels,M.D.) told our gals and guys, that "This has never been about hegemony of us vs them but rather about who can get further,deeper, more attuned and entranced, as it were". Our squad really had managed, I believe, to attain to a mind-set of "May the better acceptor 'win', and devil take the hindmost".
So we feel either way, the spectators, the jury, we coaches and supportive staff, and the mind-body-soul-spirit-psyche of our magnificent-in-magenta seven, have triumphed over speed, greed , dysfunctional egotism and the Win/Lose metaphilosophy which is tearing our nation apart."

Do you Zen,2?
Updates on the hour
Omaha '08 tee shirts and cups
We Can/So Can They

i ain't feared o hell but i've suffered so much just trwipping and flippin,yknow

2008-08-21T17:47:00.002-07:00

I find myself knowing that IF I CAN LET LOOSE of the workleash(whilst still doing even a better caring job but like 'whatev er' to my coworkers and bosshers)
then i am perneaiillya gonna be snap fallallaypp happy

i ain't feared o hell but i've suffered so much just trwipping and flippin,yknow

2008-08-21T17:47:00.001-07:00

i ain't feared o hell but i've suffered so much just trwipping and flippin,yknow

2008-08-21T17:47:00.000-07:00

I find myself knowing that IF I CAN LET LOOSE of the workleash(whilst still doing even a better caring job but like 'whatev er' to my coworkers and bosshers)

then i am perneaiillya gonna be snap fallallaypp happy

dunno why but these words of a sudden come to me

2008-08-21T11:47:00.000-07:00

dunno why but here the yare
auto demise NO

demoiselles davingong

aveugule

wlater demeuth

sendenatry and sedateunsedated,thowver) He I He
I I see
Hi he hi
circumstanitial
tile get
roundrtipe arstite fiend

textures
fabircs
flagstone
spackel
shotcret
conqured create
cake fostering

ideas for artings and noticings and meltings of the core

2008-08-21T11:22:00.001-07:00

Tiles and hides-of-bark
hives?
curing the curvin' curtains
pieces of old furnishings worn and plushly polished albeit inadvert without measure by hands over hands

on a long moon with lotsa out of the net reddings
a one-trouble soul
a broken brothermind
a quagmire of ninety-and-nine and herdin'
mis-dozen

the decent docent
erase-a-floor to make-a-fleur-de-fleurs

ideas for artings and noticings and meltings of the core

2008-08-21T11:22:00.000-07:00

o, i totally=alkie in recuperation, sans doute, nevertheless for me,rightnow, anxieousnesalism is the path i want to learn to cuperate within

2008-08-17T17:41:00.000-07:00

i have been connecting OCD and alcohooism and now i am more focusing on anxiety and ways of looking and reliving i mean relieving it
when i got sober, i didn't enter program nor did i go to these meets that are so helpful
and so i feel now that i slud back into my lifelong anxietyism that the drinking and weed was meant to prevent
and so now
i am realizing
great as it was that i was so able to quit the sauce(a day after another, nothing for granite there, exclamation point)
i substituted not a drug or an over addiction like gabbling but instead got back deeply into OCD compulsive traist of fearfulness and worryinghaulicmsness

alive now and alerted re-converted to my own and you-all's own yeayeayea spiritquest

2008-08-16T11:06:00.000-07:00

diverted from truest spirit self search other seek
as a youth
now believing we return and resume and re-engage and re-enact and reoccur

sorta kinda like that excellent novel REPLAY REPLAY REPLA

but only more differenter

deep ruts of unhealed mindstreams

2008-08-10T21:07:00.000-07:00

have been going through deep self esteem issues mostliestly at the orrifice and all
for no real reason
just it's my stuff y'know and we have new bossy and all that
but mainly it stemmers from my lousy upbringing and alkie pops and deceased mum and uncharitable bashering hellmongering nunnies

if i practice forgetting your falutly flaws

2008-08-03T09:35:00.001-07:00

my new cap, timid tweed shanter shall indeed is wearing now on my nature walk with artiste fiend and dogs young and old
i am suddenly but not sullen realizing I AM AN OLD GUY OFFICIOUSLY now
the card is from the route of roots, out of the ruttergutter
and so thoughtfully bespeckeled with queries and challenges
the lot wherewithal within unwithering
and i am going to be awakened to the life beyond OCD by alan and his highly amplified koto playering and his I am going to have it do me not me do it
and the lovely brooch stone i will brood o'er it many a nocturne far sartain shores
and the book i am lookering into it even ,eve, as we squeake
and even the green o'greenes wrappering and the box was the moist easiestly opined Every nary

if i practice forgetting your falutly flaws

2008-08-03T09:35:00.000-07:00

beware of gods: legion of atheists

2008-08-02T20:57:00.000-07:00

want to 'low my 'must-produce-good-work at almost any cost' mindset(meaning: i'll work really treely hard doing EVERYTHING by the book, even when my cow-orkers are like Huh? tufta(the russian word for pretending to do work by smushing stuff around and sliding papers about) is how they do it but
whom am i to be their god nor their dog
AND
why should i trip on it?
i work superbly hard and get the same pay as the moof offs
so maybe they are being good to themselves
i don't see THEM coming down with OCD tripping
nor tattling desires(to show up their not doing their job)
andsuch
and their health is superb while i've had my challenges
GOTTA LET GO AND 'LEASE

FORGET THE FALSIE BARRICADAOS AND THE BARRICUDARS

2008-07-30T19:05:00.000-07:00

if you realliezed that you are goddness
and taht nonesuch have more than you does
you would see Ach, mein gott: I rock utterly
and like queen tutterly herself you would
flowerflutterflow so serentiy and organismaciallly

slidering away from healing by overfocusing on w stuff

2008-07-27T18:56:00.000-07:00

i've found myself sliding back into workaholism
the combo of the new boss,
my honesty in not kissing up to cow-orkers i don't find agreeable nor kindly
my ancient roots of fearfulness
the ability and agility to complicate and notice
while others can look right thru or past the fearful situations

so i am really treely wantering and focusing on
NOT getting uptight and tense
it isn't good for my body mind Nor my soul

concomittant sli9p back into worker halucination ism

2008-07-26T10:46:00.000-07:00

i have slud back into werkerhaluizm with all tis concomittant flawsies and fearsomes
and need to get a leaf(not weed, 'course, nor the vine but a papyrus or papaya to chomp vegan-like)
i have this mind that connects and wants to respond, like an aged pup
(like this one dog that is way old but you'd thnk she was a pup, till recently wwhen she got the slowers

one drink to take becomes a plunge , becomes a plunger, becomes a plummet becomes purest of chaos of soul and voice voided

2008-07-26T10:26:00.000-07:00

to become a drunk
is sorely easy
but the assay office voited against it
gainsaying such folly's goals

and if i want instant insantiy add the poisons, weed or winette

may the healings hopper in

2008-07-25T18:05:00.000-07:00

florid joys to just overswamp and healify you

us inner kids, oldsters now
gotta be goo to ourselves

making up for all the badtimes
but moreso stopping from the future death
let's live now lots and lots more