reading this morning a book by going fat kid rules the world there is one segment
reminiscent of jean-paul sartre's le nausea novel of the thirties
this chubby boy is assigned to check out skinny folks eating their meal and he is supposed to notice whatsoever he sees"(You'll know it when you see it") he realizes their facades go down when they have a little egg on their chin,literally...and he can see their insecutiries and more...
calling in sick today i realized how much my facade droops at such times, the guilt and fear of being dismissed(nonsensically) for being ill in this hog eat hog realm really terrorifies me deny it or no.
the young lad sees through the couple's facades and Going has the protagonist's friend say "You are in those moments all the time"(the sham shame and feral fettered fretterings and wearying worrying wartering)
let myself me embrace my own facades
and not deny my selfsame dents
and 'allow' others have theirs and not strive so to show them theirs

here's what happens at my meets ofttimes: a member spouts authentically, without their normal(to me) guile, someone i usually sort into my don't-like box cagey cag
after the meeting i risk and tell 'em i liked what you shared thank you, my friend
and suddenly i realize almost as if it were the wrong soul, i've come After their shutters have been drawn and only greet the andiron android outside their doorstoop
like in the ms pacman, they have 'changed back into' their normative selves,their facade is up and the window for betting at the paramutuels is like a closet, closed once more